Tibetan guidelines for nurturing children
They are highly valuable skills that contribute to the development of parents as respectful, well-rounded, and independent individuals. One can attempt to emulate the customs and practices of these wise individuals.
The fundamental principles of Tibetan child-rearing.
1. Above all, avoid any form of humiliation or physical punishment
Spanking is only resorted to when a child is unable to comprehend.
2. First stage: Up to the age of 5
During this period, a child should be treated like a “monarch.” Nothing should be strictly forbidden, but rather redirected. If the child engages in something perilous, display a frightened expression and make alarmed sounds. The child comprehends this form of communication perfectly. At this stage, the child’s curiosity, activity, and interest in life are justified. The child has yet to develop the ability to establish long logical connections.
For instance, if the child accidentally breaks an expensive vase, they do not understand the concept of working hard and earning money to purchase such an item. Punishment, in this case, would be perceived as exerting pressure through displays of strength. Instead of teaching the child not to break a vase, you would be teaching them to submit to someone who is powerful. Is that truly necessary?
3. Second stage: Ages 5-10
During this period, the child should be treated as a “servant.”
Present them with tasks and expect them to fulfill them. Non-compliance may result in punishment (not physical in nature). Intelligence is actively developing during this phase. The child should learn to anticipate people’s reactions to their actions, cultivate positive interactions, and avoid negative behaviors. Therefore, do not hesitate to provide the child with an abundance of knowledge.
4. Fourth stage. 10-15 years old
Interact with the child as a mentor rather than a dictator. Offer guidance and support, allowing the child to make decisions and learn from their mistakes. Encourage independence and critical thinking by engaging in open discussions and providing constructive feedback. By fostering a sense of autonomy and responsibility, you are helping the child develop important life skills and confidence.
5. Final stage. After 15 years
Approach the young adult with understanding and appreciation for the person they have become. Acknowledge their growth and achievements, and offer guidance when needed. Remember that your role has shifted from a caregiver to a supporter, and embrace this new dynamic with grace and respect. Failure to do so may result in strained relationships and missed opportunities for connection.
